ARE YOU IMPROVING ON THE SILENCE?

There are rarely statements which make me stop and reflect, but yesterday I heard the following quote by Robert Greenleaf:

In saying what I have in mind, will I really improve on the silence?

As we now live in a rapid response world, how often do we pause and think how this message will be received by others? I would suggest there may be little thought that goes into a lot of communication, but think, will the words, and the tone convey the intended meaning.

When you are saying something, or texting, or emailing to someone are you using words, phrases, intonations, that raise them up, or pull them down? Even if the message is a difficult one to deliver there are ways in which you can be inspiring. It's not easy, but it's possible.

Email and texting are probably the realm now in which most messages go awry. Without hearing a tone and seeing a person's body language, we can often send a message that we never intended to -- literally and figuratively. I know that at times I have sent notes and then received back a response, which made me go "huh?" When I went back and read my original email, and put myself in the other person's proverbial shoes, I realized how it may have been misinterpreted. The problem is though that instead of picking up the phone and clearing up the misconception we email again...and then again.

I'm not perfect. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that! :) But I try to be positive most times. But I do forget, either when dealing with an unfair situation or incompetence, or somebody else's meanness. When I am confrontational it is because I'm reacting to a situation, not thinking whether this will help or inflame the situation. And I know I'm not alone.

When I was little, one of my favourite stories was Bambi, and I was a true fan of Thumper, the bunny. It was Thumper who said:

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all

So whether spoken by Greenleaf or Thumper (or the myriad of others who have made a similar observation), the message is the same. Be nice, think twice and improve on the silence!

STOP THE PROCRASTINATION AND MOVE FORWARD

Do you consider yourself action-oriented and balk at any suggestion that you may be procrastinating? 

Anyone who knows me, will tell you I'm extremely action-oriented and will make decisions quickly.  But even I find myself the odd time procrastinating about something.

If you find yourself reticent to make a decision, you need to ask yourself why. 

Most of the time, when I have found myself putting off making a decision or facing a dilemma, it is because somehow I figure that if I ignore it, perhaps it will resolve itself. Let me tell you from the pedestal of experience, that never happens.

We may not always know the outcome of taking action. But action is better than waffling in a limbo-like existence, either personally or professionally. With action, you move forward and can embrace a new reality. With inaction you wither.

What issues have you finding yourself in the cocoon of procrastination? 

• Perhaps it is an employee, who is not performing and should be terminated but you are hesitating, hoping that they will leave of their own accord, or get better? 

• Your boss has asked you to implement an approach which you know will lead to disaster. You procrastinate, delay, hoping that your leader will come to the same realization given time?

• You are in a job, where you are "burning the midnight oil" (without additional pay), putting out stellar work, but don't ask for an increase in compensation or promotion, hoping that, if you wait long enough, at some point, the organization will recognize your efforts. You don't even consider looking for a new job because "you're too busy." 

• You stay in a relationship, in you are no longer feeling fulfilled. You wait, because you are "comfortable", afraid of the consequences of the ending, and hope that with time you'll "find that lovin' feeling" again.

Let me tell you, hope is not a strategy, and procrastination only makes things worse. 

• Terminate the non-performing employee. They won't get better and in the meantime you have been causing discord amongst the rest of your team because they become resentful that they are working extra to make up for the poor performance from this individual. (And if you don't act, guess what? Your best performers decide to leave) (As a corollary you may be forcing this person out of their procrastination to find work that truly inspires them, because obviously this job is not).

• Talk to your boss about the direction he/she is going. I always said to my team members that the worse thing you can do is let me go down a path and implement something which you know won't work. Better to have on record that you voiced your opposition and gave a salient alternative, rather than wear the failure (because you know you will be blamed if it you implement it and it doesn't work).

• Ask for recognition. Yes, it should just be automatic for your boss to notice it, but if you don't ask, you will never get. And if the answer is no, or worse yet "hang in there just for a while longer and I promise you that......" (the latter never happens), then you know what you have to do. You either have to say "I am no longer going down this path, your expectations are unreasonable" or start seriously looking for another role. Otherwise you will always be your boss's "patsy". 

• People stay in relationships way past their expiry date, because it is easier to do, then make the choices that need to be made. You are afraid of hurting others and you may be terrified of what this undefined future may hold. But think carefully, because not only are you being unfair to yourself, you are being unfair to your partner. That person, as do you, deserve to be in a fulfilling relationship. By continuing along, you are also keeping them from experiencing what they deserve. If you have tried and it hasn't gotten better, then stop procrastinating and make the difficult decision. It's not easy but it's necessary.

So look at your life today and think if there are actions and decisions that need to be made, whether there are issues that you have been procrastinating about or hoping that things will change for the better. And act to change them. 

Ask yourself "What would I do if I weren't afraid?"

Stop procrastinating, stop fearing and act. Long term, you'll be better for it.

THE STORK DOESN'T DELIVER INNOVATION

When I was little, we didn't have the open dialogue with children as there is today. I grew up in the era, where if, as a child, you asked where do babies come from, the common response was storks. And it didn't matter that no one ever saw these storks, we just believed in the unseen, just like we believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Sometimes we believed so much in these ethereal entities that we felt we could actually see them.

Innovation is ethereal, undefinable and definitely not delivered by a stork. And innovation doesn't just happen because you wish it. It happens because you work at it. Not a singular event but a process.

There have been many writings on how be innovative and creative. Some tricks, tools, approaches. But often these recommendations from pundits ask you to step outside of your personality, who you are an embrace what worked for them. And that's when people get frustrated, because they don't seem to get results by following these supposedly tried and true methods. You need to approach it from who you are, and how you think. Yes, stretch yourself but also stay true to yourself.

Let me ask you this. How much time do you and your team spend each week, month or year,  just to wonder, consider, play around with possibilities. Bizarre thoughts, ideas, creations. No holds barred, nothing off limits, no critical judgement, just a wealth of possibilities.

I've heard people say "We don't have time for day-dreaming." Ok, no one said anything about day dreaming...this is ethereal possibility dreaming, and just like when we were children, these out-of-nowhere, ethereal creations may become something we can see, visualize, believe in and make them real. But if you don't allot some time for this activity and do it in a manner that is unstructured and free-flowing, well then you will be constantly struggling to keep up with the competition, because they have taken the time to push themselves to the next level. To vision a future beyond the barriers of today. 

So if you are waiting for the stork to bring you a new bundle of bouncy innovation...well, good luck. You'll need it!

"MAN'S INHUMANITY TO MAN": TRAGEDY AT THE BOSTON MARATHON

We expect to be safe.

We expect to be safe walking down the street.

We expect to be safe going to school.

We expect to be safe going to a movie theatre.

We expect to be safe getting on an airplane.

We expect to be safe going to a sporting event.

And people expected to be safe going to cheer-on the major accomplishments of their loved one's at an event that is truly about the triumph of the human spirit -- the Boston Marathon.

Yesterday we unfortunately were starkly reminded that crazed individuals or groups with some radical agenda will stop at nothing to kill and maim the innocent, to take joy and turn it into despair, to take meaningful lives and snuff them out, to take a sense of security and create a world of fear. 

People start to talk about the evil that is lurking in our society. They start looking at others, with suspicion, wondering whether they are potentially criminals or terrorists. They start staying at home and not traveling or going to events because they are afraid that they may be collateral damage to some terrorist or crazies extreme agenda.

And that is when evil wins.

We can easily begin to believe that a significant amount of the population is evil, and that potential for mayhem exists in many. Yet the opposite is the truth. Most people around the globe are decent, honest and hard-working, who today are as appalled at yesterday's events, just like you and me. But we never know of these people, because they live ordinary, unexceptional, and "good" lives. 

When the bombs went off in Boston yesterday, amongst the fear and tragedy, were also many acts of human kindness and heroism. As many people ran away, as many ran towards the injured to offer their assistance and comfort in the face of potential grave danger to themselves. Yet what is reported is the evil aspects of this event, not the altruism of the "good."

There will always be tyrants, crazies and extremists. They are present throughout history and will continue to be part of the everyday fabric of our world. 

A few days ago I wrote about one poignant painting on the East-side gallery of the Berlin Wall, Small People, Small Places and Small Things that Can Alter the World.

I ask that you today keep the victims of the most recent bombing in your thoughts. But don't let fear embrace your soul. Don't believe that the world has gone to hell and that the world is filled with much evil.

You are one of the "Small People in a Small Place doing Small Things that Can Alter the World." Keep doing them!

"DON'T KILL GIRL CHILD. LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER AS YOUR SON"

Yesterday I wrote about how one person can make a difference and I also indicated that we have it pretty good here, and that this can often lead to complacency -- perhaps not totally ignoring what is happening in the rest of the world, but having the "tsk, tsk, isn't that awful" commentary (read yesterday's blog by clicking here).

The reality of that came full circle to me today, when I went to get my mail. I sponsor a 12 year old girl in India, through World Vision Canada. I started this about 15 months ago, when I was walking by a display for World Vision in a mall, and was struck by the story told in the eyes staring out from the picture of this little girl. Her name is Jodwinder.

I have sent her some small gifts, including pencil crayons and paper. She and her family have sent me a couple of letters. Her drawing and writing of today, pictured here, has left me pondering the reality of a girl child in India, vs. the joy and freedom our girls grow up with.

Written on the colourful house that Jodwinder drew, were a few words, in the native language. The translation? 

"Don't kill girl child. Love your daughter 

as your son"

Wow, what do you say to that? It shows the barriers and dangers that face young women in other areas of the world. By now we are all aware through recently publicized incidents in India, that rape was more or less tolerated. Also that women often try to determine the gender of a fetus, and if its a girl then it may not be brought to term.

India is not the only country in the world where women, both young and old, suffer from discriminatory practices, but it is the one that today, with the receipt of this beautiful drawing and the ominous message hit home in a way that hearing about atrocities in the news hadn't. I guess I feel a certain responsibility for this little girl and am saddened by her reality.

I know by sponsoring Jodwinder, I have made a difference in her life, but is it enough? I'm not sure of that anymore. 

SMALL PEOPLE, SMALL PLACES, SMALL THINGS THAT ALTER THE WORLD

Have you ever been to Berlin? Last week, I had an amazing five day vacation there. It is a wonderful

city, steeped in history, both tragic and uplifting. As part of the sight-seeing, my son and I went to the a portion of the remaining Berlin Wall, called the East-Side Gallery. It has been moved from its original location for a variety of reasons, but is relatively close to where it was.

The gallery itself is amazing, with each portion of the wall having paintings reflecting a time of change and the euphoria of a more free future for all peoples. Yet what I also found poignant was realizing how this barrier was allowed to be built and stand for close to thirty years, resulting in an untold number of deaths from people trying to escape and everyone just accepted this as a not-so-nice reality. 

I get the fact that there was no desire to start another war, during an era where some nations may not have hesitated using nuclear weapons, and of course the US was focused on Vietnam and the Cubans. So perhaps more pressing issues, or perhaps not. I wasn't in the decision making rooms, so I can't comment on the whys of decisions back in the day.

As I was walking beside this section of the wall, absorbing the various paintings, I was particularly struck by one, which had both in German and English the following statement:

"Many small people who in many small places do many small things

 that can alter the face of the world"

We may often be tolerant of things because we feel that we, alone, cannot make a difference. Yet the reality is quite different. Think of people who have changed the world -- Gandhi, Mandela, are but two shining examples. Yes, they did it at great personal cost, but they ensured that future generations would have a better life and not subject to the same injustices that befell them.

That takes Courage (and yes, with a capital C), which unfortunately is not a common commodity today. People are less focused on what ails a society, or even a corporation, then they are on what matters to them today, in the moment. They don't realize that when they turn a blind eye to today, can significantly impact them tomorrow. And at that point, they may lament their previous inaction, or just throw up their hands and say there was nothing that could be done.

There is always something that can be done, but, yes, you may have to accept some sacrifice. If you are in a corporation which is less than ethical, whistle-blowing may cost you your job, but then again, not doing it might too -- think of Enron, Lehman Brothers, etc. 

And in regards to society as a whole. We have it pretty good here. We don't have to worry about saying things that may be against the government or other powers-that-be and be incarcerated or assassinated. But there are many parts of the world where that is a daily reality. Just think of Malala Yousafzai, who at 15 could certainly teach many of us the meaning of Courage.

So before you think you are just one little person, who cannot make a difference remember:

"Many small people who in many small places do many small things

 that can alter the face of the world"