DREAMS ARE REALITIES WAITING TO HAPPEN

"The greater danger is not that our hopes are too high and we fail to achieve them, it's that they are too low and we do."

                                                                    ….. Michelangelo

When we were younger, the whole world seemed like this vast candy store of hopes and dreams.  As children some dreamed of being an astronaut, or a fire fighter, or an actor, or a writer. We weren't constricted by so-called "reality", and the opportunities seemed boundless.

As we went through high school, we began thinking in more concrete terms of what we truly wanted to be when we grew up. Some continued to pursue their passion and their dreams;  others focused on what profession would provide the most monetary benefits; whilst others followed their parents desires, not wishing to disappoint.

Most follow the pre-ordained "yellow-brick road" of expectation. They get married, have 1.5 children, a house (with a mortgage) and get that job which will uphold the requisite lifestyle. Many end up encircling themselves with friends, who have traveled a similar road. The dreams and hopes of the child have often been lost by the time the middle-age line is crossed.

I believe that it is important to review and reflect, on a regular basis, on where you are in your life. I'm not talking about the five-year plan that many tout. I am talking about an honest reflection of whether you set the bar too low, as noted in the quote at the beginning of this blog, and are now saying I've achieved it, so I'm good.

If you truly are, that's OK. But I have seen more folk who "settle," figure that rejigging expectations and hopes as you get older is a fantastical exercise, with nary a good outcome.

Each decade requires reflection, both professionally and personally. What worked for you in your twenties, may not work for you in your thirties, forties and beyond. Or maybe it does.  Or have you just chosen to conform in a way that the rest of your "peer group" has? Are you afraid of articulating some new dreams, new big hairy audacious hopes, because you believe that they will be received by your friends, family and colleagues with  a bit of eye-rolling and a smirk, with the inevitable "you can't be serious" thrown into the discourse? And with the naysayers surrounding you, you shove that passionate desire to break-out and do something which would nurture your soul, back into its little box, put the lid on it and perhaps, on your deathbed, wish you had not listened to others and at least tried to achieve that dream?

I have rejigged my life a few times. Sometimes it has been professionally, and sometimes personally. And I'm sure I'm not done. I  am however not immune to the constraints and responsibilities that face me, just like everyone else. I have to push myself to think of what my life would look like if I didn't have anything else than my dreams, hopes and desires to guide me. And it is a wonderful place to be.

So today, think about what your life would look like, both professionally and personally, if there was no pressure to conform, if you could do anything you wanted to do without consequence.  Go back to when you were a child, and life was filled with endless possibilities. You are never to old to dream, to have hopes and to change. And then close your eyes and picture yourself there. Do you feel the rush of positivity? If you do, start today to figure out how you can get there. Because dreams are just realities waiting to happen.

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do that by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.Discover."

                                                               …Mark Twain

MY KINGDOM FOR A REAL PERSON

In Shakespeare's Richard III, the King shouts "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse," after he was summarily unseated from his stead and left at a significant disadvantage in the heat of battle. This phrase in today's lingo tends to be used "tongue-in-cheek" when lamenting the need for something relatively inexpensive, but at the time is of tantamount importance and one would be willing to give away a kingdom for it.

I certainly felt that way today, as I called, or should I say I attempted to call, a 1-800 line for some customer service. I had tried the email route last week and heard nothing back, so I thought why not try to "real" person route. Alas, poor Yorrick, I was still stymied by the press 1 to go here, press 6 to go there, a few more numbers to press and then there was a click and the same menu came around. So I pressed zero and that voice, that always superior sounding voice, said she didn't understand that command. Arrrgghhhh! 

And don't get me started on the Interactive Voice Response (IVR) systems that many companies have put in place. I don't know what language the IVR is programmed for, but it definitely isn't English. I'm sure that you have found yourself yelling your command at this "virtual" person, who keeps on saying "Did you mean this?" NOOOOO! 

Just because certain things can be achieved with technology doesn't mean it should, and these lengthy menus, with multiple number press points, or the IVR which is anything but interactive, cannot replace a real live person.

Corporations now hide their "real-live" person phone numbers. It is almost like you need to know the secret handshake to get it. Why are corporations trying so desperately to distance themselves from their customers, and really, is the cost of a person at the end of the phone line worth the discord that is being sewn amongst the clientele?

Issues could be resolved quickly with the personal touch. Customer loyalty could be enhanced. People will refer others to those companies, where it seems they care. If I have paid for a product or service, I deserve to be able to easily (not 5 menus down) talk to customer care.

It was interesting that today I came across a website Gethuman.com, which enables finding a phone number to get a person. You  search by company name, and not only will you get the phone number, but it will also tell you the numbers to press, to quickly get to a "real" person, and other information. Wow, a new industry spawned by the fact that corporations aren't making it easy for clients to speak to them directly. That shows you how far corporations have sunk in the customer care realm.

I don't have a kingdom, but if I did, very often I would be paraphrasing Richard III --"A real person, a real person, my kingdom for a real person!"

TRAFFIC AND TEAMS

Yesterday, as I was driving, I was struck by the intricacy of traffic. Here we are, depending on all those strangers around us, to behave in the best interests of the myriad of drivers around them. To pay attention to the warning signals (brake lights), to adhere to the speed limits, to signal when changing lanes, to letting you into the lane, etc. Traffic flows without incident when there is consideration, and courtesy -- working together so that everyone gets home safely.

And isn't this what teamwork is about? The team works in harmony when everyone is focused on a common purpose. When each team member is willing to see the "signals" of other team members and to act with consideration, respect, understanding and courtesy.  Everyone goes home feeling satisfied and happy.

And what happens in traffic, when there are drivers who are not respectful of the needs of the rest of the drivers? You know those drivers, who cut-in without signalling, who try to block you from moving into a lane even though you have your signal on. What about those who drive at an excessive speed and decide to tail-gate you, even though they can clearly see you have nowhere to go? And of course those who blatantly disregard the law and text and use their cellphones, even though they are putting everyone else at risk?

These are the ego-fueled drivers. Those who are focused only on themselves. They don't care that you get home safely or on-time. They are oblivious to needs of everyone around them. It is about them, and only about them. And inevitably these drivers are the ones who cause accidents, traffic tie-ups or just plain anger from the other drivers, who are often put in a situation of trying to avoid an accident because of the egregious driver's stupidity.

Now think about this in context of the team. When you have one or more players in the team who are ego-driven, who slack off, are disparaging of the other team members, or who act as a lone wolves, what happens? The entire fabric of the team is torn asunder. The team's harmonious relationship is disturbed. Outcomes take longer to achieve (tie-up) and sometimes the efforts of the team are totally taken off the rails (accident). People go home frustrated and don't feel like there has been much accomplished. 

This team member (or driver) can single-handedly cause intense stress and "injure" every other member of the group.

How are you acting in the team? Are you the one who is causing the disruption of traffic? Or can you clearly point to the person (or persons) who are pulling down the effectivity and harmonious nature of the rest of the group members? 

I'm not suggesting that the team should act like drones and that healthy debate and discourse should not occur. Because as long as the team continues to be focused on the "whole" and not put their own individual needs above everyone else, then the environment will be positive, nurturing and harmonious.

But as soon as one member races forward, cuts in, ignores the opinions/needs of others, disengages by texting while team meetings are going on, and demonstrates by their words and body language, that they'd rather be somewhere else -- well then you have a problem. 

So when you are driving (or observing traffic) today, think about what role you play in the success of the team -- are you the inconsiderate driver, or the one who waves others into your lane?

BENDING IT LIKE BECKHAM

Have you heard the term "bend it like Beckham?" It refers to a move of soccer icon David Beckham  wherein he squared his body at a 90 degree angle with the ball, which created an intense amount of spin l and caused the ball to curve an astounding amount.  

And although not a smooth segue, consider this curvature and bending when associated with rules. People say "I didn't break the rules, I just bent them a bit," or "there is nothing in the rules that says I can't do this." It seems that the spirit of rules has been lost in rationalization and debate.

Now please understand, I know that things aren't black and white, and there are probably a lot more than "fifty shades of grey" when it comes to rules. If a rule doesn't make sense, I am usually the first one to challenge it, because let's face it, some rules are just downright stupid!

I began to reflect on our amorphous rule culture the other day, as I was reading another report of the Senate scandal happening now in Canada. When defending the inappropriate spending habits, almost all of the Senators have said something to the effect that what they did wasn't explicitly against the rules. It didn't say, according to them, in any of the fine print "thou shalt not." So they figured it was OK.

I am not going to get into my opinions about this debacle, but it does bring up the difference between rules and ethics. Rules are guidelines. Even the biggest rules of all time, the Ten Commandments, will have exceptions. "Thou Shalt not Kill" seems pretty clear, but when you are in imminent threat of being murdered by someone else, you can kill them in an act of self-defence. So you see, guidelines.

But ethics are sacrosanct, at least from my perspective. Ethical behaviour is a built in compass. It guides you, even when a rule doesn't explicitly say that something shouldn't be done, or worse, when a rule goes against every moral code. We have heard variations of rule following from the likes of Adolf Eichmann "I was only following orders," to variations of this theme with employees of Enron, Lehman Brothers etc. where the vast majority stayed quiet in the face of rampant ethical breaches, by the leaders of these companies. The leaders are the "rule setters", and inevitably the "rule role-models." Yet, in the postscripts of many of these scandals, employees would lament that they knew (ethically) it was wrong, but what could they do?

I have stood up against ethical breaches, and sometimes paid the price for it. And I have also broken rules that didn't make sense, but these rules never impinged on ethics. Ever.

So as I watch those in corporations and in government put tremendous spin on that they really couldn't "break a rule" when it wasn't specifically stated, I ask them to consider the ethical spirit of the rule.

Bending "rules" like Beckham may be OK sometimes. But the ethics implied in the rule, should be a straight kick into the goal.

MISINTERPRETING THE MESSAGE

"There are no facts, only interpretations"

                              ....Friedrich Nietzsche

Have you ever been surprised when you have said something to someone, either professionally or personally, and you find out later that somehow along the way that the intent of your message was totally misinterpreted? You think that your message was obvious, or that "of course he/she would know I was joking," or you say something as a throw-away line, which basically means nothing and the other person wonders what you truly meant?

The Nietzsche quote could be equally about communication as about facts, because each of the 7 billion plus people in the world will have had a different life experience and will interpret words and meanings based on that history. 

To illustrate this point, answer the following question

• How many animals of each species did Moses bring on the ark?

..and finish this phrase:

• A bird in the hand is worthless.....

If you answered (2) to the first question and "two in the bush" for the second, you have a lot of company. In my experience more that 70% provide these wrong answers. Firstly, Moses had tablets, not an ark (that was Noah's thing) and secondly, the phrase is A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, not "less."

We are in a hurry, and we assume that we already know what the answer is, so we don't focus on the whole sentence. We rush to judgement on what it truly means. I often use these examples in my presentations, as indicative of Scotoma -- the proverbial "blind spot". Simply, it is a sensory locking out of our environment based on our prior experience and or expectation. 

If you expand this to your daily communications whether personally or professionally, you can see how this can end up being problematic. And as a species, we are a pretty egocentric lot, we know what we meant by what we said, and as such we believe that the recipient of our words will of course understand them clearly. Unfortunately, more often than not, this is not the case.

And sometimes based on what we think we heard, we will go off and ruminate about what the true meaning was, look for hidden agendas, and work ourselves into a tizzy because we didn't or wouldn't approach the messenger to clarify, and ensure that both of you are on the same page. I have done this (I'm a world-class ruminator) only to find out later that I was totally wrong in my interpretation, and I have also been surprised by how someone else has construed a conversation. (I addressed some aspects of this on a guest blog I wrote It's Not Easy Taking the High Road).

I get it. We filter a lot of the communication that we get because let's face it, sometimes the volume is overwhelming. Yet it comes back to the often lost art of listening attentively and probing on words or comments that make us wonder about the meaning or perhaps make us feel uncomfortable.

So today, practice active  listening. Remove the "blind spot" -- making an assumption that you "know" what the meaning is or what is going to be said. "Check in" with those who are receiving your message, to ensure that they have heard what you meant to say. If you are speaking with someone and they say something and you find yourself unsure of its meaning, and/or it has made you feel uncomfortable in any way, "ask and repeat". Say this is what I heard, is this what you meant?

It is a lot better to clarify and understand than go up the mountain of rumination. You'll be happier for it. 

IT'S NOT EASY TAKING THE HIGH ROAD: GUEST BLOGGER ON LANCE SECRETAN'S BLOG

Today you can find a blog which I wrote as a guest blogger on Lance Secretan's site, called IT'S NOT EASY TAKING THE HIGH ROAD". Please click here to read it.

CRITIQUING THE CRITIC

Do you remember your mother saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"?

Along the line, society seems to have lost the spirit of this remark. We are constantly looking to critics to advise us whether we should like a painting, a restaurant, a show, a book. We read reviews voraciously and will make decisions based on what others have said. I have seen good restaurants go under, great TV shows get canceled, etc. I have also seen things that from my perspective are highly questionable gain prominence (e.g. is Blurred Lines -- listen to the lyrics, not just the happy beat)

Critics and so-called aficionados sway public opinion, and their influence is significant. I am currently reading Malcolm Gladwell's book "David and Goliath" (which is a very good read by the way) and he talks about how the art world almost scuttled the Impressionist era because the art critics thought they paintings were amateurish.

There is nothing bad about being informed, whether reading Tripadvisor, Urbanspoon, or product reviews on a retailers website. But remember that people who have had a bad experience are exponentially more likely to let everyone know. The positive experience people tend to just be happy and move on without telling anyone.

When it comes to hiring someone, you can get five stellar references and one that is not.  Or somehow  someone comes to you and says they heard from someone that this person is not all they are cracked up to be and  warn you away from them. 

I have had this situation with someone I was looking to hire, so I called this person in and said "Look, we had great references except for one and this is what was said. Do you have an explanation why someone would say this about you?" The individual was surprised, and gave a credible explanation. I hired him and he was an amazing member of the team.

So whether it is a movie, an artist, a product/service or someone you are considering hiring, take the critics opinions with the proverbial "grain of salt." It is one person's opinion and they may have a vested interest in providing disparaging comments.

DEFLATING THE BULLY

There is a lot written in current literature about bullies -- whether in the schoolyard or in the workplace. I have encountered many bullies along the way, both male and female. I have never backed down, but I have also not  engaged with them in the arena where they would win -- that is with confrontation and anger. 

1. 1. 
      
   "Never argue with an idiot. They pull you down to their level, 
   then beat you with experience."

1. ......(the authorship of this quote is listed as both unknown and Mark Twain)

I've always liked this quote. The same could be said for bullies. They have had a lot more experience than you have in pushing people around and abusing them. Bullies, who have been given leadership roles in corporations, have honed their skills over years and years. And they are extremely good at showing one type of personality to those that are in positions of power, while those who report to them or even colleagues, often feel figuratively battered and bruised  after each interaction.

You have to wonder a bit how the bully's leaders can be so blind to the abuse being showered on others in the organization. I believe it is because people are scared of the bully, because beyond the abuse, they have usually created the illusion amongst others that he/she has the ear of leadership and a step against them will result in a whole bunch of hurt being rained down upon the so-called "tattle-tale."

And that fear is what fuels them and lets them flourish. 

Many years ago, in one of my corporate iterations, I was asked to attend a meeting with a peer. It was a small room and there were a couple of his team there, and a couple of mine as well. He had decided that a work-order system that he had implemented could double as a purchase order system and then started to outline to me how he was taking over my procurement team. I was relatively new to the organization, so I sat and listened to what was not really a "pitch" to get my agreement, as he was presenting it pretty much as a 'fait acommpli.'' After he was finished, I just looked at him and said "This isn't going to happen." He was a large man, and he stood up from his chair leaned, red-faced, over the table, and yelled "YES YOU WILL. I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR COOPERATION." I didn't flinch, nor did I move back my chair. I believe he had expected me to cower (note that he was known as a bully in the organization). What did I say? "Is your chair broken, Dave, because there is another one there in the corner which we could move over for you."

Silence. By not showing fear, nor meeting his anger with anger,  I had deflated his "power." He packed up his things and left the room, as the members of my team and his sat there stunned. And I never heard anything from him again regarding this issue.

You can't fight bully head on and win. But you can change the game.

So think of the bullies which you, or someone you know is dealing with. Don't battle with them at their level. Take an inspirational route if possible or deflate them in some other way. Bullies will back down when you don't fuel them with confrontation or fear.

"YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY" OR HAVE WE REALLY?

In the 60's/70's Virginia Slims Cigarrettes iconic advertisement "You've come a long way, baby" was targeted at the "independent," "liberated"  woman, and indicated that women had made great strides from being denied all rights to now being able to smoke in public without being derided. Certainly calling women "baby" in my mind, was not a way to show "how far we'd come!" Today's reality is that women's equality is still a myth and there is still  a long, long way to go.

There have been several  situations recently that made me recognize the reality of the long road that is still ahead for women striving to be on equal footing in society with men. Because even though women's rights have advanced greatly, we are still a disturbing distance away from equality.

When I was in university, I refused to wear the label of feminist, because in my naive, youthful belief, I thought that feminists were radicals who were stuck in a paradigm that had shifted and here I was an

example of what a woman could do without burning a bra, or standing on a soapbox lamenting what hadn't yet happened. "Suck it up" I thought. "Women can do whatever they want to do, there are no barriers!" In fact I penned an article deriding women at the university who were attempting to get the term Chairman changed to Chairperson. What's in a word? Didn't these women have better things to do? And I see the same naiveté in many a young woman with whom I speak with today.

At this point in time in my life, I would call myself a feminist which basically means someone who is advocating that women have rights equal to men. And those rights transcend political, legal and economic rights. They are also the right to be seen as equal, to be respected as equal, to have our opinions counted as equal, to be equally represented within corporations, to be able to sing a gender  neutral anthem and to not be objectified in the media.

Words matter and equally how women are presented in advertising matters too!

Let me talk about words first. Recently there is a movement to revise the Canadian National Anthem to becoming gender neutral. The words to be changed are "in all thy sons command" to "in all of us command." Let me point out that the original anthem wording was "thou dost in us command", which was altered in 1913 for no seemingly known reason. I have seen on the street interviews and polls taken by various media outlets and what is frightening is that over 80% think this in a tempest in a teapot. "It's tradition" they say. Really? Then why do we rail against the rights violations against women in other parts of the world? Because let's be realistic it is their tradition, as it was ours in decades and centuries gone by, when women were mere chattel. Words reflect societal attitudes -- they do matter (click here for information on the anthem debate).

And how about advertising? We see the Dove ads which espouse the "natural beauty" of women. Yet what many don't realize is that Unilever which owns the Dove brand, also has under its umbrella the Axe brand, wherein the advertisements portray women, well, let's just say not in a real positive light.

Here is an ad which was published in 2013 by Ridge Corporation which makes "sideliners" for trucks. This was shown in a presentation to demonstrate the attitudes which are still prevalent within the trucking industry and in supply chain. There was a deep intake of breath among all the women in the audience, because quite honestly I don't think any of us thought that this could happen in 2013! I mean, really? Aren't these ads that you could possibly see being dreamed up by Don Draper in Mad Men? The 60's maybe, but not today.

So you may say, well this is the trucking industry...so "boys will be boys," which is not an excuse by the way...far from it.  But it made me wonder what other ads are out there that are chauvinistic in their message, and which have been in the media since the year 2000. And I didn't have to do much of a search, let me tell you. From milk, to Playstation, to IT, to organ donation, women are being objectified or stereotyped in ways that are offensive.  Advertisements which mold our societal attitudes and mold the thinking of our youth.

Society allows women to be minimized through words, advertisements and actions. Can you imagine someone sloughing off an ethnic comment or stereotype in advertisements by saying "racists will be racists." Or if an anthem said "in all of us white anglo saxons command," would the challenge to the wording fall on deaf ears?  You know the answer. No one would stand for it and things would be changed quickly by governments, and  corporations using the ads would be vilified, protested against and boycotted.

It is time to stop society from sticking its collective head in the sand and face the reality....there is no equality and until words, advertisements and systemic discrimination is addressed there never will be. 

Yes, we've come a long way, but we still have quite a distance to go. Let's ensure that we don't get weary and keep moving towards the goal of equality!

(Here are only a  few of hundreds of potential examples of ads which have appeared within the last few years. Get ready to be shocked)

THE POWER OF THANK YOU

I was raised to always say thank you. I say it when a clerk in a store hands me back my change. I say it when the waiter in a restaurant comes around and fills up my glass of water. I say it when someone opens a door for me. I say it when a member of my staff has brought me a report, or an admin has managed to arrange travel or an appointment.

And I also say it in email, when someone sends me an update, or arranges a meeting. I thank those that have put on events where I was either an attendee or a participant. I would say that "Thanks", "Thank you" or "I appreciate what you did" are probably the singular most used words/phrases in my daily life.

In this "hurry-up and get 'er done" type world it is easy to forget to say or show appreciation, even though it is easy to do.  It doesn't matter if something is someone's job, like the waiter filling my glass, or the admin arranging a meeting. Appreciation is powerful and never unwelcome, as long as it is sincere. For me it is never rote. It is not something I was trained to do like some Pavlovian dog. As I noted I was raised to appreciate even the smallest things, to not take anything or anyone for granted, and whether those to whom I say it notice it or not, I know that somehow they are aware that I didn't just naturally expect them to do something and that their efforts were noticed.

In the past I have come across a few mail etiquette rules that suggest sending an email back with  just 'thanks' is no better than spam. 

I find that a bit cynical and certainly, from my perspective, doesn't show any understanding about what nurtures the human spirit. Showing appreciation and being grateful are two of the cornerstones of not only being a better human being but also of being a great leader.

So today I thank you for reading my blog. I know there are hundreds of thousands of other things you could be doing and reading right now, so I truly appreciate you taking this time today, and every time you visit this site!

Have an amazing day and remember to say Thank You!