MISINTERPRETING THE MESSAGE

"There are no facts, only interpretations"

                              ....Friedrich Nietzsche

Have you ever been surprised when you have said something to someone, either professionally or personally, and you find out later that somehow along the way that the intent of your message was totally misinterpreted? You think that your message was obvious, or that "of course he/she would know I was joking," or you say something as a throw-away line, which basically means nothing and the other person wonders what you truly meant?

The Nietzsche quote could be equally about communication as about facts, because each of the 7 billion plus people in the world will have had a different life experience and will interpret words and meanings based on that history. 

To illustrate this point, answer the following question

• How many animals of each species did Moses bring on the ark?

..and finish this phrase:

• A bird in the hand is worthless.....

If you answered (2) to the first question and "two in the bush" for the second, you have a lot of company. In my experience more that 70% provide these wrong answers. Firstly, Moses had tablets, not an ark (that was Noah's thing) and secondly, the phrase is A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, not "less."

We are in a hurry, and we assume that we already know what the answer is, so we don't focus on the whole sentence. We rush to judgement on what it truly means. I often use these examples in my presentations, as indicative of Scotoma -- the proverbial "blind spot". Simply, it is a sensory locking out of our environment based on our prior experience and or expectation. 

If you expand this to your daily communications whether personally or professionally, you can see how this can end up being problematic. And as a species, we are a pretty egocentric lot, we know what we meant by what we said, and as such we believe that the recipient of our words will of course understand them clearly. Unfortunately, more often than not, this is not the case.

And sometimes based on what we think we heard, we will go off and ruminate about what the true meaning was, look for hidden agendas, and work ourselves into a tizzy because we didn't or wouldn't approach the messenger to clarify, and ensure that both of you are on the same page. I have done this (I'm a world-class ruminator) only to find out later that I was totally wrong in my interpretation, and I have also been surprised by how someone else has construed a conversation. (I addressed some aspects of this on a guest blog I wrote It's Not Easy Taking the High Road).

I get it. We filter a lot of the communication that we get because let's face it, sometimes the volume is overwhelming. Yet it comes back to the often lost art of listening attentively and probing on words or comments that make us wonder about the meaning or perhaps make us feel uncomfortable.

So today, practice active  listening. Remove the "blind spot" -- making an assumption that you "know" what the meaning is or what is going to be said. "Check in" with those who are receiving your message, to ensure that they have heard what you meant to say. If you are speaking with someone and they say something and you find yourself unsure of its meaning, and/or it has made you feel uncomfortable in any way, "ask and repeat". Say this is what I heard, is this what you meant?

It is a lot better to clarify and understand than go up the mountain of rumination. You'll be happier for it.