DEFLATING THE BULLY

There is a lot written in current literature about bullies -- whether in the schoolyard or in the workplace. I have encountered many bullies along the way, both male and female. I have never backed down, but I have also not  engaged with them in the arena where they would win -- that is with confrontation and anger. 

1. 1. 
      
   "Never argue with an idiot. They pull you down to their level, 
   then beat you with experience."

1. ......(the authorship of this quote is listed as both unknown and Mark Twain)

I've always liked this quote. The same could be said for bullies. They have had a lot more experience than you have in pushing people around and abusing them. Bullies, who have been given leadership roles in corporations, have honed their skills over years and years. And they are extremely good at showing one type of personality to those that are in positions of power, while those who report to them or even colleagues, often feel figuratively battered and bruised  after each interaction.

You have to wonder a bit how the bully's leaders can be so blind to the abuse being showered on others in the organization. I believe it is because people are scared of the bully, because beyond the abuse, they have usually created the illusion amongst others that he/she has the ear of leadership and a step against them will result in a whole bunch of hurt being rained down upon the so-called "tattle-tale."

And that fear is what fuels them and lets them flourish. 

Many years ago, in one of my corporate iterations, I was asked to attend a meeting with a peer. It was a small room and there were a couple of his team there, and a couple of mine as well. He had decided that a work-order system that he had implemented could double as a purchase order system and then started to outline to me how he was taking over my procurement team. I was relatively new to the organization, so I sat and listened to what was not really a "pitch" to get my agreement, as he was presenting it pretty much as a 'fait acommpli.'' After he was finished, I just looked at him and said "This isn't going to happen." He was a large man, and he stood up from his chair leaned, red-faced, over the table, and yelled "YES YOU WILL. I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR COOPERATION." I didn't flinch, nor did I move back my chair. I believe he had expected me to cower (note that he was known as a bully in the organization). What did I say? "Is your chair broken, Dave, because there is another one there in the corner which we could move over for you."

Silence. By not showing fear, nor meeting his anger with anger,  I had deflated his "power." He packed up his things and left the room, as the members of my team and his sat there stunned. And I never heard anything from him again regarding this issue.

You can't fight bully head on and win. But you can change the game.

So think of the bullies which you, or someone you know is dealing with. Don't battle with them at their level. Take an inspirational route if possible or deflate them in some other way. Bullies will back down when you don't fuel them with confrontation or fear.