MY KINGDOM FOR A REAL PERSON

In Shakespeare's Richard III, the King shouts "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse," after he was summarily unseated from his stead and left at a significant disadvantage in the heat of battle. This phrase in today's lingo tends to be used "tongue-in-cheek" when lamenting the need for something relatively inexpensive, but at the time is of tantamount importance and one would be willing to give away a kingdom for it.

I certainly felt that way today, as I called, or should I say I attempted to call, a 1-800 line for some customer service. I had tried the email route last week and heard nothing back, so I thought why not try to "real" person route. Alas, poor Yorrick, I was still stymied by the press 1 to go here, press 6 to go there, a few more numbers to press and then there was a click and the same menu came around. So I pressed zero and that voice, that always superior sounding voice, said she didn't understand that command. Arrrgghhhh! 

And don't get me started on the Interactive Voice Response (IVR) systems that many companies have put in place. I don't know what language the IVR is programmed for, but it definitely isn't English. I'm sure that you have found yourself yelling your command at this "virtual" person, who keeps on saying "Did you mean this?" NOOOOO! 

Just because certain things can be achieved with technology doesn't mean it should, and these lengthy menus, with multiple number press points, or the IVR which is anything but interactive, cannot replace a real live person.

Corporations now hide their "real-live" person phone numbers. It is almost like you need to know the secret handshake to get it. Why are corporations trying so desperately to distance themselves from their customers, and really, is the cost of a person at the end of the phone line worth the discord that is being sewn amongst the clientele?

Issues could be resolved quickly with the personal touch. Customer loyalty could be enhanced. People will refer others to those companies, where it seems they care. If I have paid for a product or service, I deserve to be able to easily (not 5 menus down) talk to customer care.

It was interesting that today I came across a website Gethuman.com, which enables finding a phone number to get a person. You  search by company name, and not only will you get the phone number, but it will also tell you the numbers to press, to quickly get to a "real" person, and other information. Wow, a new industry spawned by the fact that corporations aren't making it easy for clients to speak to them directly. That shows you how far corporations have sunk in the customer care realm.

I don't have a kingdom, but if I did, very often I would be paraphrasing Richard III --"A real person, a real person, my kingdom for a real person!"