PERFUMITY: THE LIFECYCLE OF A RELATIONSHIP

As we move into Valentine's Week (it really is no longer just a day, it's become like Christmas, a bit of a marathon) I thought for a bit of fun and change of pace, I'd tell a tale of a relationship based on the names of perfumes. 

This started sometime back when I was on a cruise and in one of the ports they had a huge store that was only dedicated to perfume.  As a friend and I walked through the aisles and aisles of offerings, it became obvious to me that there was a scent for every stage of a relationship.  And yes, I walked around with a pen and paper writing all these names down. So enjoy this story, about the beginning, middle and end of a relationship as told by perfume!

PERFUMITY

Early in the relationship, there is Romance, while your partner thinks you are Very Irresistible. There is quite a bit of Allure, and most assuredly this connection was made by Chance. And at this early stage there is a certain amount of Obsession that occurs, most often of the physical kind.

As we move into the mid-stages we find ourselves  In Love and our paramour sees you as a Goddess. You begin to Play Intense, as your lover is moving further into Obsession, astounded by your Womanity.

 

As the relationship progresses the Diamonds are showered upon you, as your lover turns to fiancé and he says Marry Me. With nary a thought you say yes and think that you will live Happily Ever After, in complete Bliss.

Then you hear  Rumours that your now husband may be a bit of an Angel/Demon and it becomes an Obsession to find him Guilty.

As he is presented with the evidence he demonstrates a characteristic Insolence, yet you realize that it is a Miracle that you discovered his failings, because you are now free to pursue Sexy Men.

 Yes, one can find lots of truth in those bottles! Of course there would probably be an unexplainable cosmic event if you wore them all together at one time!

Enjoy Valentine's Week, and think about the message you are sending based on the scent you chose to give your paramour! :)

LIFE LESSONS FROM A LAPTOP THAT CRASHED

When you linger over a decision, hoping that the inevitable will somehow go away, the only person you are fooling is yourself.

I realized that when my seven-year-old Mac laptop died an ignominious death last week. It had become cranky over the last few months, crashing intermittently, programs being non-responsive, taking forever to do the simplest tasks, and don't even get me started on the download speed.

About a year ago I had to install new RAM, which brought me to 4 GB, and that helped a little, but not much. I kept nursing my system along, not wanting to spend the money for a new one, but also getting into the mindset that it was good enough and that I could manage.  I might not be a power user or gamer, but with the changes in technology and our use of it over the last seven years (think youTube, streaming, etc), you don't have to be to have issues with an old computer. 

Finally last week, I realized I couldn't ignore my systems shortcomings. It crashed several times, refused to cooperate a few more, so I went and bought a new one. I brought my external hard-drive backup, which had seemed to be merrily backing up every hour and handed it over to the techies at the store to transfer my files. Alas, that is when I found out that my computer had left me -- perhaps not physically but virtually (or if you want to make a human comparator let's call it emotionally). There had been no backup for 3 months. 

I won't get into all the details, but my hard drive was corrupted and thankfully, with all the brainpower of the techies at Apple, they were finally able to transfer my files after 4 days.

This computer episode made me think about how so many decisions in life we hold off on making because we figure that we can make it work for a little longer, and/or maybe if we ignore it that it will get better.  I see people (including me) doing this time and time again, holding off on dealing with a fractured marriage/relationship, an intolerable job, a client or supplier relationship, or the myriad of other things that can challenge us.

Yes, you can nurse it for a while, "upgrade the RAM," ignore the frustration that is wrought, and just figure well, this is good enough. We believe that if we wait long enough things will get better, but the converse is often the reality.

And then what happens? Well, we may still be physically present in the relationship, but emotionally we've mostly checked out. There is the old adage that the person has one foot out the door. And if you have one foot out the door, what's keeping your other foot from following?

Pretending that things will get better is nothing more than sticking your head in the sand and assuming that the "threat" will be gone or the situation will have changed  once you resurface, but it always comes back. And by the time you realize this, you may find that some amazing opportunities which had presented themselves are gone.

My computer knew before me that it was time for it to go to that electronic happy place in the Cloud (sorry I couldn't resist :)). It decided that three months ago, but I lingered. And that lack of action almost caused me a bit of a catastrophe -- a significant amount of lost data.

I intend to take the lessons that my sage, tribal elder of a computer taught me and reflect on other areas of my life where I may have lingered too long. Perhaps you should as well!

ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR HEART

When it comes to making decisions about work and life, there are usually two directions in which you can go. Decisions made by the "head" or those made with the "heart."

The head loves facts and figures. It is fairly linear, dealing with logic and probabilities. It likes listing out the pros and cons and playing endless "what if" scenarios. The head is usually                                                     more ego-driven.

The heart, on the other hand, is where our intuitive senses lie. It is creative, open and passionate. It sees potential, when facts would dismiss an opportunity. It also inherently knows what is best, from an emotional perspective, in a situation. Heart decisions nourish the soul.

Now don't get me wrong, with two science degrees and an MBA, I obviously like facts and figures. I find it amazing sometimes as you delve into the detail of numbers what a story they can tell. And the good news is that most often the head and the heart are not conflicted. But when they are, I will choose the heart each and every time, because it is sensing something that the head would not be able to rationalize.

Think about hiring decisions you've made. The resume, the interviews, even the references indicate that this is a good person for the role, so you hire them, only to have them flame out pretty quickly. Earlier in my career, I made these "head" decisions in hiring, even though my heart (or as some people say "gut") was telling me there was something missing, something not apparent. Inevitably after a few times of doing this, I refused to hire anyone, regardless of the pedigree, if my head and heart weren't in agreement.

Creative ideas, that come from the heart, are often shot down because the numbers, those facts and figures, don't support an innovative approach. Facts and figures are limited, as they live in the today, or  in the past. If Steve Jobs had made his decisions based on the "head" naysayers many of the innovations which we take for granted today would not exist.

What about deciding your career path in life? You can often get sidetracked by naysayers who would say following your passion is foolish, there is too much competition in that field, or not enough money to be made. But if you love what you do, you will make it work. Again the head may say no, but the heart is speaking to you truthfully

Relationships is probably where we have the most head/heart conflict. We can agonize over what direction we should follow, and find ourselves twisted into a virtual pretzel. Sometimes it may be the head saying "yes" because if you created a spreadsheet, all the boxes, the pros/cons line up (don't laugh, I know someone who did this). But when the heart says yes, it comes from a totally different place. It acknowledges the emotions, the passion and the soul nurturing that occurs. It is where people are willing to take that leap of faith. And I will offer the opinion that the happiest relationships are those which came from the heart, not the proverbial head driven "suitability."

If the head is in conflict with the heart, try to figure out why. I've noted above that I do like facts/figures and analysis. Yet when it is unclear, and the heart is still pulling you in a direction, follow it. Don't  let the disparity paralyze you to the point of avoiding the decision. 

Let your intuition, your soul, and your heart guide you. And let your head figure out how to make it work.