At one point in time in my career, I taught public speaking, presentation and negotiating skills. And even though there seems to be a resurgence of interest in what we say, without knowing, it is still, unfortunately, a little developed skill set.
When negotiating a deal, you know that you are engaged in a poker game of sorts with often very high stakes. So if you are good at it (either from the buy or sell side) you should be constantly looking for the "tells" which can be in words, body language or eye contact, as well as utilizing aspects of the same in an effort to provide the message to the "opposing" side that you wish to convey.
I usually like to start a negotiation with being very friendly, talking about inconsequential things to the folk from the "opposing" side. This provides me with a three-fold opportunity. It allows me to create an environment where the other side might believe "Oh, this looks good. This might not be a tough negotiation." It allows me to baseline the body language and words people will use when not negotiating and thus I can determine as the negotiation goes forward, how these aspects of behaviour change under stress. Thirdly, what I have found is that when creating this initial friendly, warm space, people will often tell you things that they really shouldn't have exposed. And I make sure that my body language mirrors my friendly words.
For example, in a negotiation a supplier was trying to assess a $750K payment on my firm for product that was destroyed at our behest. We knew we owed some monies, but couldn't remotely find justification for this amount. During this pre-negotiation the supplier let drop that they had been going through a massive system change and it had caused lots of issues throughout their company including record-keeping and accounts receivable. I kept this in my back pocket and during the negotiation when they pulled out their sheets of numbers etc. which conflicted radically with ours, I just said "you know, you were just telling us how difficult the transition to this ERP system was and how you had to have lots of verification and validation through this timeframe, so considering you went through all of this and that you've indicated there are still issues, can you tell me why I should trust your numbers over ours?" They were flummoxed and we finally settled at $250K. Not bad for a two hour negotiation!
What about body language? Again best to set a baseline before interpreting too much into body language but there are some standard "tells." Unless the room is very cold, people with arms crossed are assuming a defensive position. I watch during a negotiation how the body language changes. Are the arms open, until I ask a question and then the arms cross and the body leans back? Then I know I hit a nerve and you can be sure that I will probe further on that point. If they are open and leaning forward then this is usually an area that we are in agreement on, or they may be willing "to give" on. But be careful to see if your "opposing side" is mirroring your behaviour. As a seasoned negotiator, I will mirror behaviour to make the other side believe that I'm "in tune"with them. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but always be on your guard.
What are the other members of your entourage doing while you're speaking/negotiating? I don't only pay attention to the person that is in front of me. I look to see how other members of the team are reacting to what is being said. If all of a sudden I see a team member put their hands up to their face and maybe even put their finger on their lips in a "shushing" position, I know that something is being said that is not quite truthful, or the "speaker" has given away something that he/she shouldn't. There are other things I look for as well, but just ensure that the entire team has been briefed on how to behave and not to give anything away.
When looking at communication and what we are truly "saying", it is not just the words or the body, or the eyes. The language of communication is a 360 degree one. So be aware of every aspect! If you are not sure how you are coming across, role play and video. You'll be surprised at what you see.
(note: I'm going to write about a few other types of communication throughout this week. Stay tuned!)
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