ARE YOU A LEADER WHO IS OUT OF TOUCH?

Reality TV programmers are making a tidy income with highlighting leaders who are out of touch with the popular show Undercover Boss, which is now broadcast in 8 countries across the globe with more to come.

I stopped watching this program after the first few shows, when it was first aired in the US in 2010. Why? Because I was disgusted about how little the leaders of these organizations actually knew about what was going on at the grassroots. The show makes these "undercover" leaders into heroes, when they should be flailed for living in an ivory tower for so long.

I get that the CEO of a corporation can't be picking up garbage or busing tables everyday. Yet both they and their senior leaders should,  at minimum on a yearly basis, be out amongst their people, working along with them and create venues where they can obtain regular input in a non-threatening scenario from the floor-sweeper on up. This doesn't mean a town-hall meeting, which can be quite intimidating for many folk who are not keen on speaking in public. It means going onto their turf, whether a warehouse, a call centre, a restaurant and speaking to them in a small intimate gathering. You'd be surprised by what you hear.

I've made a point in my corporate iterations, as well as in some consulting gigs, to work side-by-side, picking orders, riding on trucks, unloading heavy boxes, cutting a purchase order and so on. I didn't have to go undercover for people to talk to me openly about the opportunities and challenges, and it ensured that the staff would feel comfortable with approaching me in the future. The Undercover Boss show suggests that team members will not tell the truth to a senior executive unless the latter's identity is hidden. That speaks more to the lack of connection the leader has to the organization as a whole vs. the staffs' openness.

I also had regular "coffee" meetings with all levels of my staff. I will admit this was tough sometimes to schedule and more than once I had to cancel my attendance, but often my direct reports would take these meetings in my stead. That way, the staff became comfortable with all levels of leadership. I will however say that the areas for improvement and suggestions that came forward were amazing. And not only did we act on many of them, we involved the entire team in the implementation and recognized them. 

Take a few moments and ask yourself "how much do I really know about the inner workings of the team/organization that I lead?"; "how much does my leadership team know?" If the answer is not that much, then it is time not to be the Undercover Boss, but be a leader and go roll up your sleeves and get your hands "dirty." You'll not only glean information that will keep you from making ivory tower decisions that are unrealistic, but you will gain lots of respect from your staff. You've made them feel that their job and opinion is important. 

And your business will soar!

WHAT'S IN A WORD?

The estimates of how many actual words there are in the english language vary greatly, but let's say there are anywhere from 250K to 750K words available to us at any given moment. On average, in speech, we use between 6000 to 10000 words every day, the lower side of that range being gender specific, men use less words than women do, but of course, women have been accused of talking more than men :)

So have you ever thought about how many of these thousands of words you use daily are actually delivering the message you want them to convey? The inadvertent use of a word, a phrase or a sentence could either commit you to something you didn't expect or result in the fragmenting of a relationship -- either personally or in business. Words can be used as weapons or as entreaties. 

Words are powerful!

When you are about to present a "pitch"  or negotiate with a potential client, how carefully do you choose your words? Perhaps you ensure that all the words with which you wish to convey your message are written down, but when presenting and negotiating most of the communication is verbal. 

So let me just provide a few examples of words which you may want to avoid when trying to put forward a confident, competent option to your potential client.

• Never lead with a negative . Ok, so I did here, but I chose it specifically for effect. When you say "no, never, not, can't...." people tend to shut down. They hear very little after the negative, because, well, why should they? You've just indicated that things are a "no-go". This is when people start either challenging the comment or just shut-down and  checking their watches.

• "We hope that..." Well, there is a big difference between hoping and knowing. If you are presenting to a client or negotiating, these are words which signal lack of confidence. Because hope is not a strategy and I prefer to deal with people saying "We're sure that...." Whether I am or not, at least you've conveyed you're convinced you did your job!

• "This should..." Will it or won't it? Should is from my perspective one of the most wishy-washy words on the planet. But think of how many times a day you probably use this word. For me it is a signal that there is something I need to probe deeper on, because "should" is a big red flag for me.

• There are words that make people lean in and take notice and surprise, surprise, these are powerful, positive words such as success, goals, will, sure, can, together well you get the idea. 

Maya Angelou said "At the end of the day, people won't remember what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel."

Your words, can either make someone feel positive and pumped and thus people who have heard you will feel good. And we all prefer to be around people and companies who are capable of this!

So when you are using your 6000 to 10000 words today, stop for a moment and consider what it is you are actually saying -- the result might surprise you!

DID I REALLY SAY THAT? THE LANGUAGE OF COMMUNICATION

At one point in time in my career, I taught  public speaking, presentation and negotiating skills. And even though there seems to be a resurgence of interest in what we say, without knowing, it is still, unfortunately, a little developed skill set.

When negotiating a deal, you know that you are engaged in a poker game of sorts with often very high stakes. So if you are good at it (either from the buy or sell side) you should be constantly looking for the "tells" which can be in words, body language or eye contact, as well as utilizing aspects of the same in an effort to provide the message to the "opposing" side that you wish to convey.

I usually like to start a negotiation with being very friendly, talking about inconsequential things to the folk from the "opposing" side. This provides me with a three-fold opportunity. It allows me to create an environment where the other side might believe "Oh, this looks good. This might not be a tough negotiation." It allows me to baseline the body language and words people will use when not negotiating and thus I can determine as the negotiation goes forward, how these aspects of behaviour change under stress. Thirdly, what I have found is that when creating this initial friendly, warm space, people will often tell you things that they really shouldn't have exposed. And I make sure that my body language mirrors my friendly words.

For example, in a negotiation a supplier was trying to assess a $750K payment on my firm for product that was destroyed at our behest. We knew we owed some monies, but couldn't remotely find justification for this amount.  During this pre-negotiation the supplier let drop that they had been going through a massive system change and it had caused lots of issues throughout their company including record-keeping and accounts receivable. I kept this in my back pocket and during the negotiation when they pulled out their sheets of numbers etc. which conflicted radically with ours, I just said "you know, you were just telling us how difficult the transition to this ERP system was and how you had to have lots of verification and validation through this timeframe, so considering you went through all of this and that you've indicated there are still issues, can you tell me why I should trust your numbers over ours?" They were flummoxed and we finally settled at $250K. Not bad for a two hour negotiation!

What about body language? Again best to set a baseline before interpreting too much into body language but there are some standard "tells." Unless the room is very cold, people with arms crossed are assuming a defensive position. I watch during a negotiation how the body language changes. Are the arms open, until I ask a question and then the arms cross and the body leans back? Then I know I hit a nerve and you can be sure that I will probe further on that point. If they are open and leaning forward then this is usually an area that we are in agreement on, or they may be willing "to give" on. But be careful to see if your "opposing side" is mirroring your behaviour. As a seasoned negotiator, I will mirror behaviour to make the other side believe that I'm "in tune"with them. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but always be on your guard.

What are the other members of your entourage doing while you're speaking/negotiating? I don't only pay attention to the person that is in front of me. I look to see how other members of the team are reacting to what is being said. If all of a sudden I see a team member put their hands up to their face and maybe even put their finger on their lips in a "shushing" position, I know that something is being said that is not quite truthful, or the "speaker" has given away something that he/she shouldn't. There are other things I look for as well, but just ensure that the entire team has been briefed on how to behave and not to give anything away.

When looking at communication and what we are truly "saying", it is not just the words or the body, or the eyes. The language of communication is a 360 degree one. So be aware of every aspect! If you are not sure how you are coming across, role play and video. You'll be surprised at what you see.

(note: I'm going to write about a few other types of communication throughout this week. Stay tuned!)

THE UPSIDE OF DOWNSIDES

Have you every had a pineapple upside down cake? I am sure that if you have, you would agree with me that it is quite yummy! But do you really think that this cake was intentionally made to be turned around? It was probably someone's mistake, where the topside of the cake turned out less than desirable and then just turned it around and made it work. 

As the old saying goes "stuff happens" (well the old saying uses a different word, but I'll just not go there today :) and some people panic and just see the negatives in everything. And then they try to drag everyone and everything down into that rabbit hole with them.

Because of my generally optimistic nature people assume that I've just never had anything which would be defined as "bad" happen to me. That I can only be smiling because my life has been filled with puppy dogs and rainbows. Those who know me well, know that this is hardly the case, but you know, I can generally find the proverbial silver lining or at least the humour or irony in pretty much every situation.

Do I ever have a pity party? Oh, every once in a while, I might allow myself 5 minutes with a "woe is me" approach, but it truly does just last for 5 minutes (or less) and then I get on with it. I can't change what's happened, I can only a) learn from it and b) consider the opportunities that have now presented themselves.

As an example, I have counselled many people who have lost their job, divorced, etc. When they are in the throes of the grieving process, it is difficult for them to hear me say "This is the best thing that's ever happened to you! You are being given an opportunity to go on to new vistas." Some look at me, wondering what illicit substances I might be imbibing, but experience has told me that this type of unexpected event is the proverbial "blessing in disguise."

But they can only be that if you allow them to be. If you become negative and "grumpy" and look up into the heavens and say "why me" and can't rise yourself above the fray, you will get stuck there. And the more you are like this, the less positive things will come your way and you have created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because regardless of scientific evidence, opposites truly don't attract -- negative begets negative and positive begets positive.

So remember the upside down cake. Even when your life has been turned topsy turvy, you have a new perspective from where you can consider your options. And most likely they will be "yummy!"

DOES A MOMENT CHANGE A LIFE?

I watched a movie this weekend called "Run, Lola, Run". The same scene is repeated three times, with minor changes, such as Lola tripping, and this seemingly inconsequential action,  totally alters the outcome for her,  as well of those individuals that she encounters along the way. It has some similarities with the movie Sliding Doors, where a woman's entire life outcome is changed because of either catching a train or missing it.

There is a lot of talk about coincidence and the randomness of life. Everyday, we are dealt with many opportunities in which one could potentially change one's own life and as well as that of others. And you may not even know that you do. Mitch Albom's novel The Five People you Meet in Heaven tackles this interesting subject.

Think about how many people you could impact on a daily basis. When you drive, it is your care, concern and aptitude that makes sure those driving beside you get home unscathed. When you hold an elevator for someone, have you ensured that this person is on time for work, an interview, or their day is just better because you were courteous.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

A few weeks ago, I was in a hurry, going to a meeting, rushing down the subway stairs, hoping to catch the train that was just pulling in. As I hurried along, there was an elderly lady who was trying to maneuver with her heavy rollator down the stairs. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I looked back up and thought "this is just a disaster waiting to happen." So I pushed against the flow of humanity that was rushing down the stairs, past this woman and I got up to her and asked if I could help. She asked if I could take her walker to the bottom of the stairs, and wait for her. I got to the bottom of the stairs with the rollator (note, I was wearing high heels and carrying a briefcase) and then went back up to hold her hand as she slowly walked down the stairs. She started saying that she was afraid she was going to pass out, that she hadn't eaten much for a couple of days, because it was toward the end of the month and she had mostly run out of her pension money. I got her to the base of the stairs, and I don't know if it was a scam or not, but I took twenty dollars out of my wallet, gave it to her, touched her shoulder, wished her well and moved down the subway platform. Needless to say, I had long missed my train, but I hope I made a difference in her life. 

Yet let me point out, that no one else stopped to help her, nor did any of the men or younger people stop and help me carry her walker down the steps. They were too focused on their own lives and issues. I missed my train and was put out by a few minutes, but it was worth it. 

How often do we see people walking through office buildings or on the buses and subways, where we admire something that they are wearing, but we don't say anything? Those of you who know me, know I love purses (and shoes) and I saw this unsmiling woman on the subway, who had a really magnificent purse and so when I got up at my stop, I went over to her and said "I really like your purse!" She looked startled (perhaps she thought at first that I was going to steal it), but soon smiled and said thank you. I got off at my stop, but I hoped that I made her day just a little brighter.

Now please know that I'm not going around everyday, talking and helping strangers, I cannot profess to being so noble or such an altruist. But I am doing it more these days, because I find that we are becoming too depersonalized and that bothers me. 

All I'm asking of all of you, is to just consider that you have so many possible moments that are presented everyday where you could change a life. Will you try to do that today?

NEW SPEAK - OMG!

I feel like a luddite! Here I was thinking I was so hip, texting, not using too many short forms, but some. I thought I had gotten past my mistaking "lol" several years back and wondering why a colleague would be saying "lots of love." Let me tell you it made me uncomfortable for a while! (hopefully all of you reading this know if means "laughing out loud")

So today I am messaging with my son and as some of you many note on this blog I use "..." often instead of a comma, period or hyphen, or it represents a continuation or some such. Yet today my son messages me "What's with the ellipses?" 

Huh? "What ellipses" I respond? Then his messages back "..." So I ask, for me these are just periods, what do ellipses mean in your youthful part of the world? His response "It is a literary convention meaning uncertainty or dishonesty." He quickly added "not that I'm saying your dishonest."

OMG. So now, I don't only have to try to decipher all the text talk around me (my texting still comprises mostly full sentences with the odd "u" or "r" put in to show that I can text, but mostly grammatically correct sentences with caps and periods) but I have to worry about literary conventions. 

What is this ellipse thing anyway? Since when did a period, graduate to being an ellipse? It must have done some really amazing sucking up to the grammatical gods to get this promotion.

So, please when you see me using "..." don't think I'm being uncertain or dishonest. Just consider me ill-informed in the new world order! g2g, LoL!

WHY DO WE NEED A DAY?

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, a commercially successful made up day, where all are supposed to recognize and remind loved one's that they are in fact loved. But why do we need a made-up holiday where people feel compelled to buy overpriced flowers, chocolates or other trinkets just to say I care.

Whether in a relationship or not, I've never liked Valentine's Day. And I know many of my friends and acquaintances feel the same way. There is too much pressure and expectation put on partners (particularly men) to outdo themselves in professing their caring. But true caring should be shown regularly, not because of a day that is somewhat made up. (and before you think I don't know the legend of St. Valentine, being imprisoned for performing weddings and then writing to his beloved prior to his execution...yup, I know the legend)

It got me to thinking though,  why are we always waiting for something to nudge us to tell someone else that they are appreciated. Why do we have to have an Administrative Assistant day? Shouldn't you be telling your admin regularly how much her/his effort is appreciated. I know I did, regularly, bought stuff, lunches etc., but I also got my admin something for the "day" because otherwise the other admins would have said "oh you poor dear!"

Similarly, why do many leaders wait until performance review time, to tell someone that they are doing a great/good job or conversely not that good? Shouldn't feedback be continuous and ongoing?

I guess because I've always been the person who gives continuous feedback, bought small gifts or showed I care in other ways,  I'm jaded because I don't see the need for a day.

So if yesterday, you celebrated Valentine's Day by buying things, going out whatever, good for you, but just remember not to leave it for another year. Show you care every day!

THE PERSONAL TOUCH

In this world of there being an "app" for everything, when it comes to business there is no substitute for the personal touch. When you remove the personal touch, then your business becomes a commodity, which means you have made it easier for your customer to switch to another provider.

We seem to have lost sight of the fact that humans still need to "touch and feel" (figuratively not literally) the people that they will do business with. That's right, the people. Because we still do business with people not corporations. I know in the past when a sales rep whom I knew provided stellar service, was trustworthy and I knew the product I was getting was at a good price (you don't always have to RFP, you can do a market review), I began considering other companies, because that bond had been broken.

Some companies believe because they have a unique product/service, they don't need to worry as much about the personal touch. The problem with that philosophy is that other companies will likely catch up, eventually, and if you haven't treated your client well, then guess what? You will be sitting on the street corner lamenting as to why you didn't see this coming.

The world is "flat" and as such a lot of communication must be done by phone or Skype or text...name your poison. But even in those instances you can develop a long and lasting relationship which can withstand competitive pressures. An example of this is that I have had the same insurance broker for over 25 years. I've never met him, but when we chat it is like good friends catching up. The reason I stay even though there may be other insurance "deals" out there? Because when I've had claims, he has been there as my advocate, I know he knows the market and what I need. I trust him. It is theis personal bond we've created over the years that ensures I remain a loyal client (and a referring client...I've sent a fair amount of friends his way).

So don't forget the personal touch. It will bode well for increasing your business and it should make your work a lot more pleasant!

THE IDIOT TEST: SIMPLE IS BETTER

I remember years ago, shortly after I started at a technology services firm, I was asked to facilitate a meeting between our technical team and a supplier. There had been a dispute that had lingered for months, each side blaming the other, and alas no resolution. 

I am not a technical person. For me all technology is magic brought to us by fairy dust and elves. So as I sat in the meeting hearing about "scuzzies on the bus" I began wondering what do unkempt people on public transit have to do with the issue? 

The discussion became increasingly heated, so I finally stopped the conversation and said "Hey, I am not a techie, so 90% of what you have been saying is like a foreign language to me. So can both of you do me a favour and consider me the idiot in the room and bring your discussion down to layman's terms so that I can understand. Because although I am not quite getting what your saying, there seems to be some disturbance to the logic flow. So please, talk slow and clearly"

Obviously some of them thought that by making that statement I was an idiot and I believe there was a bit of eye-rolling, but they acquiesced to my request and guess what? They seemed not to be talking about the same issue, because they were wrapped up in technical lingo that masked the problem. When they brought it down to my level -- aka Technology for Dummies -- the real issue became startlingly clear and what had been a festering problem for months was solved in half an hour. 

We all have smart people in our organizations. Smart people are great, but sometimes they want to build the space shuttle, even if a scooter will do. And they like to talk in lingo, and try not to share the secret handshake. I have seen time and time again where logisticians, technical folk, engineers, lawyers etc., become so enamoured with a complicated approach that they have lost sight of what is truly important. And that is where the simpleton comes in.

Don't be worried about asking others to bring a conversation down to a "common-folk" level. It forces them out of their comfort zone, but they can learn a lot about what they are dealing with or trying to get you to commit to. If they can't talk about it in simplistic terms, then your "spidee" senses should be going off. Whether process, product design etc., you should be able to explain it to someone not in your field of endeavour. 

I have said to potential clients, as well as during interviews for corporate jobs, that the best thing I bring to the table is my ignorance of how they do things. You might not think that this gets me high up on their want to do business with or hire this person but it has worked for me. 

Note, that I said "being ignorant of how they do things", not ignorant of my subject matter expertise. Being able to go in as the three-year old child and ask "why" and then "why" and then "why" again, lifts people out of their acceptance of this is how it's done and may even lift some of them out of their "we've always done it this way" reverie.

Now if we could only fix the problem of unkempt people on the bus!

(note: I'll be away for the next week, so I won't be blogging...see you all on my return and thanks for reading my blog!)

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED ALL PERSPECTIVES?

Recently a friend of mine posted this picture on Facebook. I laughed when I saw it and sent it on to my cousin who is get married later this year. But when I looked at it again I realized it can also cause one to stop and reflect on perspective.

When faced with an issue or problem, do you just look at it from one angle, and then develop your approach with that one viewpoint? Do you consider the environment that you will be implementing your solution? Have you considered the perspectives of all the players?

I'm not suggesting analysis/paralysis here, but it is important to understand the context of  an issue.  Jimmy Cliff sings "I can see clearly now.....I can see all obstacles in my way". Can you and have you?

Inherently, I am not a patient person. I have often said whoever said patience is a virtue was probably a procrastinator. However, I do believe that taking a 360 degree look before you leap ensures a sustainable resolution to most issues and doesn't result in the need for a "do-over." 

SHOULD YOU BE WORRIED?

"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened" ...Mark Twain

Have you worried yet today? 

Chances are you have not once, but several times, dipped your toe into the worry pool today.  And perhaps by the end of the day, you'll have worried dozens of times, about the past, about the future, about your children, your parents, and yourself. 

We would all like to worry less, but it seems that some people seem to be fuelled by worry. Unfortunately, just like the flu, worry is contagious. Worried mothers, often create anxious children; worried bosses, create a worried team; and so on. 

If you are worried at work, about what so and so is going to think or do or say, chances are you've shared those worries with your compatriots and then caused them to go down a rabbit hole that wasn't even in their realm of consideration.

I'm not a worrier. I'm not totally immune, but overall, on the spectrum of worrying, I'm at the low end. Perhaps not worrying comes with being an optimist, believing that everything will always turn out for the better. Or because I know I can't change the past, and although we all need to have  a future oriented perspective, there is no point worrying about it. I also know that I'm pretty good at crisis management, if it comes to that.

"There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow. So today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live"....Dalai Lama

I am always struck by people who beat themselves up about what happened yesterday and then also go on to develop all sorts of "what-if" scenarios for tomorrow. And these are usually not the "happy" what-ifs. 

We can't just live in the moment. I get that. But we can't just live in the past or future either. There needs to be a balance. And we shouldn't worry about any of it.

Perhaps, it is just that I've heard about another person, who in age is a contemporary of mine, being given just a few weeks to live. And I wonder how much time she and others who are faced with the same unexpected, early ending of life, spent worrying about the future. And now there isn't any.

Please consider the downsides of worrying. As the quote which opened this blog says most things never happen, so not only have you wasted precious time, but you also negatively affected your body physiology (as opposed to positively affecting it by smiling as noted in yesterday's blog).

I challenge you to ask yourself this one question - If today was the last day of your life, would you be happy in how you spent it?

If not, don't worry about it. Change it tomorrow.

(Note: the picture depicted above is of Worry Dolls. Guatemalan children believe that before you go to bed at night you tell one worry to each doll, put the dolls under your pillow, when you get up in the morning your worries are gone.)

JUST SMILE :)

"A smile is a facial expression formed by flexing the muscles near both ends of the mouth and by flexing muscles throughout the mouth. Among humans, it is an expression denoting pleasure, sociability, happiness, or amusement. Smiling is something that is understood by everyone despite culture, race, or religion; it is internationally known. Cross-cultural studies have shown that smiling is a means of communication throughout the world".....Wikipedia

How often do you smile during a day? And when I say smiling, I don't mean sending a smiley face icon, or an LOL or a LMAO. I mean a  real, on the face smile! Are you smiling most of the time or hardly any of the time? When you walk down the street are you smiling? When you are engaging with staff, with your boss, with a store clerk, or a barrista are you smiling? 

I would suggest that when I look at the folk on public transit, in my rear-view mirror, in the line to get coffee, it seems that many people have forgotten to smile. 

The great thing is that when you smile at others, there is a mirroring response, which most often results in other people smiling back at you and that even heightens the effect of feeling happy and joyful.

I recently read an  article by Mark Stibich PhD, that provides eight physiological reasons for smiling

1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive

We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in

2. Smiling Changes Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling Is Contagious

When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress

Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System

Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure

When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger

The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.

 Even Nat King Cole caught onto the benefits of smiling with his iconic song "Smile":

Light up your face with gladness 

Hide every trace of sadness 

Although a tear may be ever so near 

That's the time you must keep on trying 

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile 

If you just smile 

So give yourself a challenge today, just go out and smile. I guarantee that by this evening you will feel great and you will have also made many other people feel better. Make smiling a habit and you'll be surprised at the results!

A lot of reward for a little effort!

THE DATING GAME: DEALING WITH SEARCH FIRMS

Several people have recently lamented to me about how search firms are often quick off the mark, but once initial contact is made there is a huge gap of time before the potential candidate hears back. This seems to be consistent as to whether the individual is the search firms "preferred" candidate or whether the individual has not made it past first base, so to speak.

Every one of my corporate gigs has been obtained through a search firm. And I have dealt with the good, the bad and the ugly. 

I have experienced the hot and cold approach. You feel that you are basically in a vacuum, no information, not knowing whether things are moving ahead or not. The deadline for when the search firm said they are getting back to you is never met and emails or calls are not returned. And all of a sudden things are hot and heavy again -- let's get together, client wants to meet with you -- you get an interview and then silence again. Until the next time.

It reminds me of the dating scene. You know when you have a great date, you seem to click, conversation flows easily and you feel, hmmmm, maybe there is something there. And then nothing. You can find yourself looking at the phone or email and saying "Why haven't I heard anything from him/her?" So you send an email or text saying something like "Had a great time. Looking forward to our next get-together. Hope you are too!" And then again nothing. If you've emailed, you wonder whether it went into their spam folder. So perhaps you call, leave a message and then nothing. You may believe that the writing is on the wall, so you move on, only to hear back from the "date" a few weeks later, as if no time had transpired, no excuses, no indication of having received the communication and then it's "Let's get together again."

Search firms are guilty of the same transgression. And let's face it, when considering a new job, even if you have a job currently(or even worse if you don't), there is a vulnerability, because by having gone to first base, you have already in some ways put yourself into this potential new reality. To not hear back, even if it is just a "We are still in process. Will get back to you shortly" is wrong.

If the search firm believes that the candidate is not a fit, just let them know. What is wrong with saying "Hey, you know it was an OK first date, but there are others that I think have more potential in the long run." In my experience and in the experience of many others, this communication never occurs. You just have to make the assumption that not hearing back, is the same thing as saying "we've moved on."

I am a person who believes in proper etiquette and not to keep the potential candidate in the loop is unacceptable. I get it, the search firm is dealing with many clients and many candidates. Years ago it would have meant a phone call, which would be time consuming. Today? Well, it is just an email or text and you're done. A few seconds that demonstrates some consideration and professionalism. I'm not saying do this for everyone who applied for the role, but at least for those who have made it to first base -- they've taken the time out of their day to talk to you. They have shown you consideration, show some in return.

The other side of this coin, is that what goes around comes around. The very person that the search firm chose to end communication with, might very well be the person who they encounter in the future as a potential client. That's happened to me, more than once. Although there is a wonderful karmic feeling that accompanies such a situation, for me the key thing has been that the way the firm treats candidates is a reflection on me and the company that I work for. So if you can't demonstrate proper etiquette and professionalism to potential candidates  (and let's face it for many companies these candidates may also be consumers of their goods/services) then I don't want to work with you. 

And you might think that this has only happened when I haven't moved forward with a search firm. That is not the case. A few firms with whom I dealt, where I did get the role, came knocking on my door expecting to get business just because of having placed me. And I've told them that given how they treated me through the process, I could not entertain them representing me or the corporation.

At the end of the day, whether a dating scenario or a search firm dealing with candidates, the Golden Rule applies "Do unto others, as you would have done unto you." If not, karma will  not be working in your favour!

IS WORK/LIFE BALANCE REALLY AN OXYMORON?

Today I read another article about Work/Life Balance entitled How to Set Boundaries at Work wherein there is listed six questions you should ask yourself, etc. etc. etc. 

There is a whole industry which has spawned from peoples seeming inability to create this illusive balance. If you google (limiting the search to only the phrase "work/life balance") you get 30,400,000 hits. On Amazon there are over 13K books on the topic.

And I really have to question, why is this so hard? I know some people will look at this and go "man, you just don't understand!" But you know what, I do. I just clearly understand that all life is about choices and I have always chosen to have balance.

And guess what? My career had done very well, regardless.

I learned when I was in my late teens that being the "company man" and putting in inordinate amount of hours doesn't matter when a company decides your superfluous. I clearly remember when my father , an engineer, came home one Friday in April and informed us that his job had been outsourced (not a common thing in that era), and that after thirteen years of loyalty, of extra unpaid hours, he was without a job. I think that event defined me in many ways and I learned a valuable lesson. I would always do the best I could for any firm I worked for and at points in time, when a situation demanded it, put in the extra hours, but I would never let anyone for whom I worked own my soul. 

I remember years ago, when one of my team came to me and he was so overwhelmed with his work, that he wanted to just go back and work as a picker in the warehouse. He was a great employee, but him being so frazzled with a job that shouldn't have taken as much time as he was allowing it to take, surprised me. So we sat down and chatted and finally I asked him to keep a minute by minute log of everything he did. Every time he moved from one activity to another -- everything from a phone call to someone just stopping by his cube with a question etc...-- everything he would record.  I told him that we would review it after two weeks and then see where he was spending his time and was there something we could do about it. 

When I looked at his sheets after this time period it was clear that a)he was doing a lot of things that were not part of his core responsibility and b) he was constantly shifting from one thing to the other without completing tasks -- a last in, first out kind of approach. Together we categorized all his activities and then scheduled his week, in blocks of time, for all his primary and secondary activities. I also told him, it was OK to let calls go to voice mail, and to deal with these issues at the end of the day, as well as it was OK to say no.

After two weeks of following this approach, he came to me and told me that he actually had extra time now and was there something else I could have him do.

Let me give you a time stamp on the above scenario. It was the late 80's.

Fast forward 20 some years and we have chosen to lose our control over our time as a result of  technology which we allow to controls us every minute of every day.

Technology is great! It alters reality and allows the impossible to become possible! Which is also its inherent danger. Because of its benefits we are driven to overlook its liabilities.

And the reason it is easy to overlook, is because the liability is not in the technology, it is in our use of the technology.

So, the adage of “what binds you, also sets you free” is terribly relevant as we try to determine how we can get technology to assist and not detract from work-life balance.

In essence, we’ve become a society of juveniles. Partly, because we have slipped into the “I want it, I want it now and I want it all the time” mentality…because we can “get it, get it now and get it all the time.” 

In today's society patience makes you look like you’ve just stepped off the mother-ship from another planet….

The first time I remember the term instant, was when it was instant pudding in a package, where in 15 minutes you could cook and present what used to take hours and hours before consumption. Now you can go into a store and buy the pudding already finished….so we’ve moved from a definition of instant being  “soon” to “before we even know we need it."

To quote Dr. Phil…. “How’s that workin’ for ya?” 

Urgent….now there is word that is being misused…In the dictionary urgent is defined as “Compelling immediate action or attention…pressing”.

But what is not urgent these days?

People send you “urgent” emails…expecting answers within a few minutes! If it’s that urgent why not call, and actually find out whether you are in or not and deal with it!

But you know…we’ve trained others to expect immediate responses, right? We sit there and we have our computers set up so that each time a message arrives,  it signals to us…and lord, we are curious creatures and we can’t resist can we…we are in the middle of preparing or reading something of prime importance and we just have to look don’t we? And if you have a meeting in your office and the computer beeps or your wireless device vibrates…you just start sweating because you NEED TO KNOW!

What you have to ask yourself is this… “would you tolerate someone barging into your office, home, or car, every few minutes demanding immediate action or response…?”

Of course we wouldn’t! In fact, we’d probably have a few choice words, none of them particularly flattering to say about the individual….So why do we allow this to happen electronically? Makes you wonder!

I could go on about the topic of work/life balance, but at the end of the day, it is about choice, no matter what. You can change the situation, either by talking to your boss, finding a new job, or prioritizing. Try the keeping track of your time over a two week period as I did with my team member and see how much you are allowing yourself to be drawn and quartered by others, by technology etc.

I never wanted a tombstone that said "she was a helluva good worker." My legacy is my family, my friends and yes, co-workers who I hope I have had a positive influence on through the years. 

I'd like my tombstone to say "She made a positive difference to many people's lives. (and she allowed herself the time to do it.)

(note: since i wrote this 3 days ago the number of articles on a google search of work/life balance has gone up by nearly 5 million hits!)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID?

What would you do if you weren't afraid is my favourite quote from the Who Moved My Cheese book, written by Spencer Johnson. For me this speaks to the unwillingness of many to change, not because they don't know it is time to initiate a change in either their personal or professional life, but because they are afraid.

Let's face it...change is difficult. As Anatole France famously said: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. 

Perhaps a little dramatic but it is true. I like change, always have, but even I go through a bit of a grieving process when the change is finally upon me. However, I prefer to move forward as opposed  to being stuck in the today.

This week, I met with two former employees and their stories couldn't be more different. One had just been told that his job was being eliminated at the end of the year, and the other whom I met  the next day had, after 8 years at the firm where I hired him into, accepted a role with a different company. Both of them were comfortable where they were, but the former waited until things happened to him, whilst the latter took fate into his own hands and found a new role. 

And surprisingly the gentleman who is starting a new job on December 10 is about a decade older than the one who will shortly be out of work.

So what makes people stay, beyond what I guess I'll call a natural expiry date? Comfort and fear of the unknown. Every person who I know or who I have encountered, who have been relieved of their duties, didn't quite like the environment or work anymore, but stayed because, well I guess it's "the devil you know." Even though they were no longer passionate about their work, they stayed, and well, then the "fates" as it were caught up to them.

You spend more of your waking hours at work than you do at home, so if you think you should settle for comfortable, I say really? Aren't you just dying by inches if you aren't getting charged up every day you go to work, knowing you have a great culture, a great group of people you are working with, you are making a positive difference and you are having fun? 

I need passion in my life -- doesn't matter if it is professional or personal. Just settling is not in my nature. It has resulted in me making many difficult choices in my life, but I made them before a) they were made for me; or b) before I settled into a "good enough" mindset.

So back to my tale of two former employees. I know the one who is losing his job, will find another within the next six months. I also know that when he does, he is going to think back and say why didn't I do this sooner. Because this is the story that I've heard over and over and over again from many. And the other? Well, good for him, willing to take a chance on change in his mid-fifties!

Don't let things happen to you, make them happen. And ask yourself, What would you do if you weren't afraid!