CHOICES, CHANCES, CHANGES

The other day I came across this great saying about the 3 C's in life.

"You must make a choice, to take a chance or your life will never change."

We are faced with choices everyday, from what you chose to wear, eat and the like. But there are many life choices that we have faced and will continue to face as we move along life's path. 

Early on we chose whether to go on to higher education or not, what course of study, which leads to what career choices we make. Personally you make choices on whom to date, marry, to have kids, where to live, etc.

Some people continually take the beaten path, others will take the road less traveled. Some people plan their life, and then steadfastly follow that route; some just wait for life to happen to them; whilst others like to take off-ramps every once in a while, to see if the grass is truly greener on the other-side. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't. 

Yet which of the choices will lead to chances to change your life for the better? Ah, there's the rub. Because you never know. 

I believe that all of us, if we were going to put ourselves on the "risk" graph, would probably say we took more chances when we were younger. There was relatively little to risk at that point. If we made a "mistake" then we felt that there was still loads of time to recover. Each decade of life gets most a little more entrenched in how things are, and not necessarily a view to how things could be.

People who know me, know I like change. Which is why I am continuously re-evaluating the choices I've made and whether these choices are still providing me with challenge and fulfillment which I seek in my life. I do this consciously, because it is too easy to get caught up with how things are and not considering what they could be.

You are not the same person you were 20 some years ago. Which is what brings me to "lather, rinse, repeat." Are you just coasting? Are you happy and fulfilled in the work that you do? Are you in a relationship, that is still filled with passion, joy and laughter after all those years? What else in your life are you just accepting, and not realizing that choices exist. 

I find it humorous when I hear folk talk about someone's "mid-life crisis." From my perspective it isn't a crisis at all. It is most assuredly a re-evaluation of what works, and what doesn't and making that conscious choice to make a change. The person usually believes that the life that they have created after a period of time is no longer working. They take a chance and they make a change. 

I think it is important to continually re-evaluate your circumstances. Think about all the choices you have in your life -- the important ones. Consider if you changed this or that is there a strong possibility that you would be re-energized and dare I say, happier and more fulfilled? 

If so, why haven't you acted on it? Probably fear, because fear of change, even positive change, can paralyze us. With each change, there perhaps is a "storm" period, but often after a storm a beautiful rainbow appears.

As far as we know we only get one shot at life.  And with the way medical science is advancing we may live well into our 90's. 

So the biggest risk in life is not to take one, and live a life unfulfilled.

THE BEGINNINGS ARE IN THE ENDINGS

I was listening to my music on my iPhone in the car the other day. I have a broad and eclectic expanse of music and if you want to figure out what I like, it would be hard to pin it down. One of the songs that shuffled up and played was a song that I had loaded long ago   and forgotten about (and as you can see from the picture on the side it is old enough to have existed on a 45--if you remember what those were!)  It is Roger Whittaker's The First Hello,The Last Goodbye. The first verse goes like this:

They say when you get a lover

You begin to lose a friend 
That the end of the beginning is the beginning of the end 
They say the moment that you're born is when you start to die 
And the first time that we said hello began our last goodbye 

This got me to thinking about whether beginnings always come with the portend of endings. Realistically we are the only species on the planet that inevitably knows that this wonderful life, will end in death. An unknown for sure, and whether you are religious or spiritual or not, we all tend to hope that death is not just an ending, but perhaps another beginning. And I will tell you, the older you get the more this "hope" resonates!

The reality is though that endings do herald new beginnings, but only if you reinvent yourself, as opposed to lamenting that which has ended.  There is a quote in Mitch Albom's book "The Five People You Meet in Heaven":

All endings are also beginnings. 

We just don't know it at the time

And if you embrace this concept then the new path will show itself to you. If you chose to always want things to go back to the way they were, well, then you will be forever stuck in the past. 

Sometimes the endings are expected, sometimes not. But either way, whether the end is  a business situation -- a job, a contract, a client, a change of location, a change of boss,  -- or  whether the end is in a personal situation -- the dissolution of a marriage or relationship, becoming an empty nester, down-sizing your home -- if you look forward, and not back, then the new beginnings will be waiting. And later when you look back, you wonder why you were upset and sad, because of the joy you've now found in your new situation.

Which brings me to the quote below from Anatole France:

We wonder sometimes why we are "grieving" or sad about a change we wanted and longed for. But each step is a step away from the "known" and somewhat into the unknown. Even if you are the one who initiated the change -- accepting a new job/position, moving to a new home, ending a relationship, getting married -- there is always excitement mixed with anxiety and a sprinkle of melancholy. But accept the fact that this is normal and don't start doubting yourself as to whether you've made the right move or not. Because you, inevitably, are the one who will make the new situation work, or not -- it is all about attitude.

So today, as you may be stepping into a new and undefined horizon, embrace the present and its new beginning, accept that to grieve the ending is normal, and go roaring into the future with enthusiasm and joy. 

Expect to be amazed by the new vistas that will open up for you!

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

Last week I began reading the novel "11/22/63" by Stephen King. Now I am not a Stephen King aficionado. I think after I watched the mini-series IT and I truly understood that clowns were evil, just like I thought, I haven't had a hankering to follow King's works.

Regardless, this novel's premise intrigued me. It is about time travel and in this case the protagonist is able to transport back in time to potentially stop the JFK assassination from occurring. As the novel advances there is continual reference to the "butterfly effect," defined as follows:

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions, where a small change at one place in a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences to a later state. The name of the effect, coined by Edward Lorenz, is derived from the theoretical example of a hurricane's formation being contingent on whether or not a distant butterfly had flapped its wings several weeks before. (from Wikipedia)

I have written a couple of blogs related to this condition in the past (Small People, Small Places, Small Things... and Does a Moment Change a Life), which were focused on what we can do at any moment to positively affect the lives of others. That can be from giving someone a heartfelt compliment which makes their day or helping someone, or just smiling. Simple things, yet the butterfly effect as defined above could make a huge impact.

But what if we had a time portal and we could go back and change things which we either feel guilty about or perhaps we believe would have led to a more desirable outcome in our lives. What then? 

I have heard over the years people lament about a variety of aspects of their lives with a refrain of "If only." "If only I had taken that job opportunity;" "If only I had changed XY behaviour, then I might still be married (or in a relationship);" "If only I had left the job/marriage/relationship earlier;" "If only I had gotten X degree vs. Y degree" and so on. Whenever you hear this type of statement it is usually followed by some variation of "...and then I'd be happier or in a better place now."

Unfortunately we are not given the opportunity to watch the "What if" reels and as in the butterfly effect, there is no saying your life would be better or worse, or perhaps even the same. And neither do you!

“Each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one.”...Mitch Albom - from the Five People You Meet in Heaven

Too many people spend time living in the past and do not live in the present nor plan for the future. Are there things that if I had 20/20 hindsight that I would do differently? Maybe, but I like who I am today, and I know that had I not gone through some of the experiences which I had, then I would be a different person -- maybe better, maybe worse, who knows. But I know that I probably wouldn't be where I am today...and where I am is a good place.

If you don't like who you are, or where you are, and concentrate on what you could have done differently in the past, then you are missing the point of life. Because your future doesn't reside in your past, it resides in the here and now. If you don't like it, begin a plan to change it. And be patient, things don't happen overnight. You may not like where you are today, but it has given you valuable insight and as the old saying goes "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

So take some time today to reflect, not on the past, but on the present and the future. How are you going to take advantage of all those butterfly wings that have been flapping to get you where you are today and how you can positively affect your future by having new butterflies wing into your present plans for the future, and that you won't have a whole new raft of "if onlys" in a few years.

You may not be where YOU think you should be, but you are always where YOU need to be .... from me (as far as I know)

So take the power into your hands today and develop the mold of your life for the future. 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID?

What would you do if you weren't afraid is my favourite quote from the Who Moved My Cheese book, written by Spencer Johnson. For me this speaks to the unwillingness of many to change, not because they don't know it is time to initiate a change in either their personal or professional life, but because they are afraid.

Let's face it...change is difficult. As Anatole France famously said: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. 

Perhaps a little dramatic but it is true. I like change, always have, but even I go through a bit of a grieving process when the change is finally upon me. However, I prefer to move forward as opposed  to being stuck in the today.

This week, I met with two former employees and their stories couldn't be more different. One had just been told that his job was being eliminated at the end of the year, and the other whom I met  the next day had, after 8 years at the firm where I hired him into, accepted a role with a different company. Both of them were comfortable where they were, but the former waited until things happened to him, whilst the latter took fate into his own hands and found a new role. 

And surprisingly the gentleman who is starting a new job on December 10 is about a decade older than the one who will shortly be out of work.

So what makes people stay, beyond what I guess I'll call a natural expiry date? Comfort and fear of the unknown. Every person who I know or who I have encountered, who have been relieved of their duties, didn't quite like the environment or work anymore, but stayed because, well I guess it's "the devil you know." Even though they were no longer passionate about their work, they stayed, and well, then the "fates" as it were caught up to them.

You spend more of your waking hours at work than you do at home, so if you think you should settle for comfortable, I say really? Aren't you just dying by inches if you aren't getting charged up every day you go to work, knowing you have a great culture, a great group of people you are working with, you are making a positive difference and you are having fun? 

I need passion in my life -- doesn't matter if it is professional or personal. Just settling is not in my nature. It has resulted in me making many difficult choices in my life, but I made them before a) they were made for me; or b) before I settled into a "good enough" mindset.

So back to my tale of two former employees. I know the one who is losing his job, will find another within the next six months. I also know that when he does, he is going to think back and say why didn't I do this sooner. Because this is the story that I've heard over and over and over again from many. And the other? Well, good for him, willing to take a chance on change in his mid-fifties!

Don't let things happen to you, make them happen. And ask yourself, What would you do if you weren't afraid!

In Business, as in American Idol -- too often we make the safe vs. innovative choices

I love innovation and creativity. That's why I was hoping that Adam Lambert would win American Idol last night. But, as my son calls them, the "sheeple" won the day.
I'm not taking away from the fact that Kris Allen has talent. He has loads of talent. Unfortunately, he is like a lot of other performers out there and inherently a safe harbour -- people felt comfortable with Kris, whereas Adam, with his looks and his innovative approach to every performance made many a little uncomfortable.

Well, we often make this type of decision in business as well. Go with the "tried and true", vs. the innovative and creative. Yes, the choosing of the latter is riskier...you might be pushed to have to think in a whole new way, but the payoffs for reinventing your business could be amazing.

Just think if GM had chosen to follow the Lambert Way, instead of the Allen comfort zone? We might actually had seen some innovation and perhaps the firm would not be teetering on the edge of bankruptcy today. Same goes for Chrysler...and let's not forget Microsoft, which to a certain extent has rested on its laurels...as opposed to Apple, which has continuously pushed the envelope. The mantra of "it worked before, so let's not change it", is inevitably the death knell for many companies...who once were leading the pack, but now find themselves at the back of the pack...seeing the competition ahead by many lengths in the business Kentucky Derby!

So good luck to Adam Lambert. This young man is going to be a superstar, regardless of mainstream America's rejection of him. In a few years, Kris Allen will be all but forgotten, and Lambert will be playing to packed stadiums around the world.